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Post by Emily Prescott on Mar 27, 2012 21:41:18 GMT
 Dear Diary,
As I write this I'm locked away in my dorm room and I can't...I'm struggling to understand what I can do. I know what I should do, but fear keeps me from speaking out, from going to Dumbledore and telling him that...that I saw Professor Dawlish being kidnapped by Death Eaters. I should tell him, I want to...the guilt is eating me up inside, I feel sick just imagining what he's going through, but this fear keeps me from doing the right thing. It keeps me locked away in this dorm room, praying to God for a miracle...
I tell anyone and he'll go after those I love and I know he'll follow through on that promise because I know what that monster is capable of. He was one of them, the ones that attacked us in the forest that night...I know this because I've heard his voice every single night since, haunted me in my dreams. Oh poor Professor Dawlish...I'm a coward, a selfish, pathetic coward...I need to tell someone, I need to alert them...but I can't! God knows I can't!
Chase...Lachlan I don't want to risk them getting hurt, despite the pain Chase has put me through twice tonight and despite never wanting to talk to him again...a naive part of me cares too much about him, as well as Lachie to risk their lives by speaking out and I hate them for that. I hate that monster knew exactly what to say to buy my silence, I hate that Lachie and Chase wil never know what I'm doing to protect them, when all the while neither could care about me.
I'm so stupid and...and I'm so scared. It's been an hour since I ran from that courtyard and locked myself in this room, the ball is still going on and I dare not thing what my ex and my best-friend are doing with each other. I just want it all to go away, I want to forget the forest, I want to have not seen the poor Professor taken...I just...I just want to go home I can't handle this any more...I just want to forget...I want to stop feeling. Right now I couldn't tell you exactly what it is I'm feeling as there's so much going on inside me...
God forgive me...
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