{remus} help!

[peterpettigrew]

I'M ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I THINK I'VE MADE UP MY MIND - AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHO I AM

Peter was so far behind Padfoot and Prongs it wasn't funny. The two of them had been able to shapeshift into their animagus forms for over a month now and Peter had only managed to do it once. And that was only for three seconds.

Luckily for Peter, he was friends with the studious Remus Lupin, who was always there to help him out whenever he needed it. Hey, that's what friends were for, right? It was just a pity that Peter couldn't help him out in one way or another to return the favour.

Full moon wasn't due for another week and the four Marauders had planned to go to the Shrieking Shack in celebration of the event. And, well, to help Remus out. The only problem now standing in their way was the fact that Peter, being as incompetent as he was, was still struggling to turn into an animagus rat.

It was late and the three quarter moon was shining brightly in the sky, illuminating Peter's slim and beady shadow. He was standing a distance away from the body of the Whomping Willow, hoping that the branches wouldn't suddenly come out and whip him in ten places. It was the designated meeting spot for Remus and Peter to meet, as Remus had - to Peter's relief - offered to help Peter with his 'rat problem'.

As his eyes adjusted in the darkness, Peter saw a shadow moving in the distance, and he could only hope that it was Moony, and not Filch come to bust his ass.

[/justify]

[remuslupin]

Remus hurried across the lawn towards the Shrieking Shack, heart still pounding after his narrow escape from Filch at the doors. Thank Merlin that he'd convinced James to lend him the Invisibility Cloak, or he would have had detentions with the creepy Caretaker to look forward too after the usual horrors of the full moon. It was lucky for Peter's sake that he had; if his mousy friend wasn't able to pull off the Animagus transformation soon and catch up with James and Sirius, then the taunting that poor Peter attracted would probably redouble.

Sometimes Remus wondered if James and Sirius didn’t treat their slightly less talented friend a little unfairly. Even if Peter wasn’t a prodigy like either of them at spellwork, he was just as loyal and true a friend, and as far as Remus was concerned, that meant far more than magical skill any day. But Peter didn’t seem to mind, and Sirius and James were such good friends that Remus wouldn’t feel comfortable telling them to lay off.

Sometimes Remus felt a little cowardly, the way he acted when it came to his friends’ less shining moments, but he wasn’t willing to risk friendships so strong that the other Marauders had broken the law and become Animagi for him just because he wasn’t comfortable with the way they treated Snape. Though he still thought that James was delusional if he thought he’d get a date with Lily while continuing his targeting of her Slytherin friend.

As he approached the spot at the Whomping Willow where he’d agreed to meet Wormtail, Remus took a deep sniff of the night air. Mixed with the usual scent of pine from the Forbidden Forest, grass, lakewater and the other elements that made up the familiar bouquet of Hogwarts’ grounds, Remus could detect another familiar smell; nerves and anxiousness - Peter!

His enhanced senses kicking in this far in advance of the full moon meant the transformation would probably be an especially bad one, but Remus put it out of his mind. If all went according to plan, his wolf would have new playmates and if not there was nothing that could be done about it.

”Wormey?” Remus called, lowering his voice to help it carry as he came up around the back of the Whomping Willow. He pulled off the hood of the Invisibility Cloak and had a look around, the moon giving more than enough light for him to see by. ”You there?

[peterpettigrew]

I'M ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I THINK I'VE MADE UP MY MIND - AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHO I AM

Peter couldn't help but feel a bit edgy as the shadow came closer to him. What if it wasn't Moony? Peter would be in so much trouble - and Padfoot and Prongs weren't even here to help him get out of it! A strange strangled kind of noise came out of Peter's throat as the shadowy figure came closer and he prepared himself to run far away in case of the worst.

Just as Peter readied himself to run away, the figure in the distance stopped in it's tracks and turned to look at the withering boy. Peter squinted, and could vaguely make out the form of a centaur teetering on the edge of the forest. Sighing, Peter suddenly felt a lot less anxious. Just as the shadow had arrived, it was soon gone again with the sounds of galloping hoofs in the background.

A floating head appeared from behind the Whomping Willow and Peter felt rather relieved. Remus was here afterall - and all that worrying for nothing! With a nervous laugh, Peter wrung his hands in front of him. "Yeah, Moony, it's me," he said, his nervous smile hidden in the darkness. "I didn't think you'd come."

As Remus's bobbing head approached, Peter relaxed a bit more. "Do Padfoot and Prongs know you're here?" he asked in a hushed voice. Well, of course they did. Moony was using James' invisibility cloak, so that counted for something.

"I'm - I'm so sorry to have to ask you out on a night like this. It's just that - well - I, um --" Peter didn't quite know how to say it, but he was sure that Moony knew what he was getting at. He was sorry for being so impotent when it came to academic and practical things. Especially this.

"I can only manage to transform for about a minute or so, and then I go back to being, well, this," he gestured down to his own skinny body. A frown formed on Peter's face. Why was he so useless?

[/justify]

[remuslupin]

”Didn’t think I’d come, Wormey? I’m insulted!” Remus gave a broad grin and ruffled Peter’s hair. ”Seriously though – anytime you need my help, just call.” Levitating a stray stick lying on the ground and pressing the knot at the base of the Whomping Willow, Remus couldn’t suppress a smile of wonder at the still-impressive sight of the colossal tree suddenly going utterly still.

“James knows I’m out, but I didn’t tell him where I was going. And I don’t think they noticed you were gone, so we should be fine.” Remus pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and stowed it in his pocket, confident that there would be no one out on the grounds to see them at this distance. ”And its okay Peter. I understand.”

Remus did understand, better than James or Sirius ever would. There was a confidence that the other two shared that was somewhat lacking in Remus and Peter. For him it was due to his lycanthropy and the stigma attached to it, but Remus had never figured out exactly why Wormtail found it so hard to have faith in himself. Still, he knew how awful that feeling was when you were alone, so he did what he could to always be there for his friend and hoped that it was enough.

”Only a minute?” Remus’ voice was fringed with incredulity. ”Underage wizards aren’t even supposed to be Animagi at all and you can ’only’ manage for a minute. That’s pretty bloody impressive.” Remus gave Peter a congratulatory pat on the back and patted his satchel. ”But I brought the books anyway, so I’ll see what I can do to help you out.”

Remus gestured for Peter to go first as he walked over to the tunnel entrance at the base of the Willow. ”Ladies first.” He teased with a grin. The Shrieking Shack might well be dirty and half-ruined but it was the most secure place the Marauders knew, and it was only natural that most of their Animagi experiments had taken place in the rickety building.

[ooc – sorry about the shitness of this - it’s pretty awful. muse just seems to not be with me today]

[peterpettigrew]

I'M ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I THINK I'VE MADE UP MY MIND - AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHO I AM

There was always something about the way Remus said things that made Peter feel important. Even though he wasn't nearly as good as James and Sirius when it came to the whole 'animagus' thing, he could still do better than some fud-duddy Hufflepuff. All he could do was smile back at his friend, as he was unable to think of any words that could describe the appreciation he felt.

"Ladies first?!" Wormtail cried out, folding his arms over his chest in a haughty manner. "Well -" Peter never really was good with comebacks. He reached out and pushed Remus in first, into the tunnel that would take them up to the Shrieking Shack.

"Lumos! Peter whispered as he held his wand out in front of him. The tunnel was dark, dirty and full of cobwebs and Peter was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. Only another half a kilometer until they'd see the light again. Great.

"So I guess you're pretty happy about us all being Animagi then," he said to his friend, trying to start conversation. He had no idea how lonely it would be to be in Remus' situatio;, having a secret that would cause so many people to run away from you. "Although I don't know why I'm the one that has to be the rat," he sulked.

Peter gave an involuntary shiver as he walked into a spider-web, the silk-like thread sticking to his forearms. "Yeeuuuck!" he squealed as he tried to wipe it off on Remus' robes.

Not soon after his encounter with the spider-web, the light from the Shrieking Shack became visible and the cloud of dread and anxiety that hung over Peter's head was starting to disappear. "Thank god," he whispered under his breath. He reached forward and held the door open for Remus. "Ladies first," he joked.

[/justify]

[ ooc: yours was fine. i'm sorry about the load of crap contained in this post. xD ]

[remuslupin]

Remus let himself fall, landing in a tangled lump on the passage floor and giving an almighty sneeze at the ancient dust his entrance had disturbed. Once Peter had joined him inside, he waved his wand and removed the stick that had kept the Whomping Willow stilled so that no one would notice anything unusual. Remus led the way, so used to the passageway after years of taking the path once a month that he could have navigated blindfolded.

”You honestly have no idea, Wormey.” Remus sighed. The relief he felt at the prospect of company during the full moon, of an end to the crippling loneliness that had caused him to doubt the friendship of his fellow Marauders for their first few years of acquaintance…it wasn’t something he could put into words. But with Peter he knew he probably didn’t have to. The other boy knew what it was like to be lonely too. ”The idea of not being alone when I transform – I can’t describe what it means that you’re willing to do this for me.”

The emotionally charged moment was broken a few seconds later by Peter’s whining, and Remus chuckled. ”Be thankful you can be an Animagus, Petey.” He said, grinning to let his friend know he was joking, “Automatic disqualification is one of the unavoidable drawbacks of being in the werewolf club. And really, rats aren’t all that bad. Sure, housewives don’t like them. But the totemic significance or whatever that Trent kid in Hufflepuff would call it isn’t all bad.”

Vanishing the spiderweb as Peter tried to pass it on to him, Remus shook his finger humorously, and then stuck out his tongue. Peter came back with yet another sly femininity joke, and Remus grinned and played along, putting on a deliberately ridiculous high falsetto and fluttering his eyelashes. ”Why thank you, kind sir. You are ever so dashing and handsome.”

Settling himself into a chair inside the Shrieking Shack, Remus pulled the pile of Animagi books they’d been using as references out of his pocket and cancelled the Shrinking charm, then put on what Sirius called his “Professor Moony” persona.

”Now, Petey. What appears to be the problem?”

[peterpettigrew]

I'M ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I THINK I'VE MADE UP MY MIND - AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHO I AM

Peter just stared at him for a moment. "The what significance? At least translate it into words I understand! I'm not a walking dictionary like you are, Remus."

But, Remus was right. At least he could be an Animagus, and at least he'd actually managed to pull it off. No matter how much he doubted himself, Remus had been right earlier - most people his age couldn't do it at all, so less that a minute was a whole lot better than nothing at all. Peter wasn't smart like this room mates at all, but being able to do this? To transform into an animal, even one as boring as a rat, at least would give him a little boost to remind him that he didn't have to be an academic failure after all. Hopefully.

Remus vanished the spiderweb that Peter tried to wipe off on him and he smiled sheepishly. Of course vanishing it would have been the easier option. Why didn't Peter think of that? Everything for him seemed to be 'let's do it the hard way first, and remember the magic solution later!' and to be honest, it kind of sucked. Then again, Peter didn't know if he was even capable of casting two spells at once, and with a choice between vanishing a spiderweb and having light, Peter chose the light.

When the reached the door, Peter only rolled his eyes at Remus's response and grinned. "The day I hear a girl say that I might actually believe it." Peter knew that compared to his roommates he was a pretty less that average looking guy. James and Sirius were the ones who caught the attention of the girls around the school, closely followed, if a little obliviously, by Remus. Peter usually didn't even register onto the scale.

Once inside Peter settled himself into the chair across from where Remus sat and watched as he pulled the books they used from his bag and returned them to normal size. "You'll have to teach me that one of these days..." Peter had never quite got to grasps on the Shrinking Charm yet, but he knew he needed to if he ever wanted to pass his OWLs with anything more than a 'T'.

Peter chuckled as Remus adopted his professory voice again, and Peter altered his own to match. "The problem, dear friend, is that even when I can change, I can't hold form. Consult your books and tell me what I'm doing wrong."

[/justify]
[[I'm no Erin that's for sure, but I gave it my best shot ]]

[remuslupin]

"Totemic significance, Petey. Symbolism and such like. You know, what your form says about you." Remus deepened his voice dramatically. "The rat stands for cunning and survival. Always overlooked and underestimated, there is no situation from which it cannot find a way out." The voice was starting to hurt his throat so Remus left it there.

"What, the Shrinking charm? Consider it done." Remus grinned at Peter. He might not have been the most talented of wizards, but at least Peter had the guts to admit when he needed help. More than once Remus had had to reverse miscast spells that Sirius and James had mucked up because they were too proud to admit they didn't understand. "If I forget, you can remind me at our next tutoring session."

"Can't hold the change?" Dropping the boffinish voice, Remus thought for a moment, sure that Peter's problem sounded familiar from the reading he'd done to prepare earlier in the afternoon. "Do you turn all the way back, or does it go bit by bit? And after about how long? Opening up the topmost book on the pile, Remus flicked to the index and started searching for the troubleshooting section that all books on Animagery were required by law to include.

[peterpettigrew]

I'M ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I THINK I'VE MADE UP MY MIND - AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHO I AM

Peter smiled at Remus, glad that he had a friend who was willing to help him when he needed it. "When is the next tutoring session? This one not included." He could think of a few spells he'd come across recently that he'd quite like to get the hang of.

Sitting down, Peter told him the problem. Remus's professorish voice didn't last for long. Peter sat there shaking his head. What point was having an animagus who couldn't stay changed? He really, really wanted to work it out properly so that he could join Moony and the others next full moon. That was another thing he was beginning to like - their new nicknames. He'd noticed the strange looks from students who'd over heard them and knew that they would be impossible to work out.

He sighed. "I've only managed to do it properly once, and like you saw I managed to change, and in less that thirty seconds changed straight back. I've tried since but it feels like taking three steps back again to when we were first trying and I could only make a tail appear... Tail, fur, and more shortness don't exactly make for a good look on me." He managed a grin. "The closer I get to a full change now, the sooner it seems to... stick, just before getting there, and I change back again."

He really hoped Remus could find the answer somewhere in one of those books...

[/justify]

[remuslupin]

"Next tutoring session should be in-" Remus counted quickly on his fingers, "Round a fortnight. We're coming up to the moon this week so I'll be busy getting assessment out of the way, I'll be recovering during the first half of the next so that should do it." Remus smiled guiltily at Peter, "I'm sorry Wormey - you know I'd do it sooner if I could, but-" He cut himself off and shrugged helplessly. They both knew how that sentence ended, and there was no need to belabour the point.

Only a single transformation and then significant trouble thereafter. Sounds very familiar and - aha!" Remus pointed to the page he was currently on, "I found it! This suggests one of two possible hypothesis, differentiated by the Animagus' reaction to their initial transformation. Should this be an uncomfortable-" Remus shut the book, "It just starts using long words from there. Basically Petey the question is this - did you enjoy your first transformation, or were you stressed, afraid, hurt," Remus waved his hand vaguelly, "Anything of that sort?"

[peterpettigrew]

I'M ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I THINK I'VE MADE UP MY MIND - AND NOW I UNDERSTAND WHO I AM

”I know, Remus. There’s no rush or anything. You know I appreciate any help you can give me, I’m not about to get naggy about how often you get to do it.” If Remus hadn’t helped him through his classes over all these years Peter was pretty sure he’d still be sitting in some classes with the first years being made to redo the year again and again and again until he could get the hang of it. There were some things and some classes that Peter just really, really wasn’t good at.

Peter watched Remus flick down the page of the book. ”You found it?”

Remus confirmed as much and started to quote from the book. Peter just raised an eyebrow and gave Remus a look. This was the main reason he didn’t understand his work - they were always written in the most confusing and complicated way possible, and trying to decipher the meanings of otherwise simple sentences? Pft! Half of the time they could have just wrote ‘the grass was green’ and be done with it, but the writers just couldn’t seem to do that. It was always something stupid like… ‘the organic substance of a slender nature is a reflection of part of the visible color spectrum with utmost concentration the yellow and blue wave, resulting in the remarkable tint of jade, elsewhere known as green.’ It could be said such a simple way, but they never did. And that annoyed Peter to no end. It was like the authors wanted him to fail or something…

Basically Petey the question is this - did you enjoy your first transformation, or were you stressed, afraid, hurt. Anything of that sort?"

Peter frowned and thought back to the first time. ”I was excited from what I can remember. Sure I was a bit worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it but… I don’t like I was like… really scared or anything, and I wasn’t hurt…” Peter looked up at Remus who had been there at the time. ”Was I?” Sometimes he really wished his memory was better than it was…

[/justify]

[remuslupin]

"I know you wont Petey." Remus grinned and patted Peter on the shoulder. "Not like those other two miscreants, eh? Lord Potter and Mangy Black." He shook his head and chuckled ruefully. "Anyway, just wanted to let you know."

Remus frowned and thought back to Peter's first transformation, trying to recall how Peter had behaved afterwards and remembering the emotional notes of his friend's scent while a rat. "Sounds about right to me. I don't remember you having any major problems - just wanted to be sure."

For the next few minutes Remus sat deep in thought, wracking his brains as he doodled absent-mindedly on a sheet of paper. Coming out of his trance, he looked across the table at Peter and shrugged. "I've got two thoughts, but I'm not sure if they're at all solid. Could be that Ferret turning you into a rat caused you to associate the form with trauma or confused you memory of how to transform. Or it could be that you're afraid you'll lose control and be unable to change back."

"Thoughts?"