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Post by remuslupin on May 23, 2012 4:55:14 GMT
Remus blew out a long breath, his suspicions confirmed. Ferret was keeping a secret alright - one that had the potential to harm her almost as much as his own if it got out. He couldn't help his lips from quirking slightly at the irony of the whole situation. Of all the people in Hogwarts she could have trusted, she'd chosen the one who had the biggest darkest secret of all.
Remus reached across the table and grabbed Ferret's hand, gripping it tightly. "You're not the only one with a secret, you know." He gave a small and mirthless grin. "I've kept mine safely for all these years - I guess I can keep yours too." He held her gaze and spoke the words clearly and deliberately.
"You have my word."
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Post by talls on May 23, 2012 15:17:06 GMT
Ferret blushed when Remus took her hand but then blinked.
"You have a secret too?! Are you the master of all secret!?" She was trying hard to lighten the mood. But her insides squirmed uncomfortably. As he held her gaze, she again noted he had kind eyes.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and concentrated. Slowly, her face became more square, her hair turned black and shortened. Soon, Remus was sitting across from Sirius Black in Ferret's school uniform. Opening her eyes, she looked at Remus imploringly as she slowly shifted back to herself, or what people had been telling her was herself for years.
"If anyone found out, I would be blamed for everything thing gone wrong," Ferret whispered. "If anyone was in trouble, they could say it had been me in their form, and no one could prove them wrong. I'm already an outsider for being a lesbian...or at least I was...but I would lose my mind if anyone found out. I have very little control over this. I wake up in the morning and have to rush to a mirror to make sure I am still me before my roommates see. And for the past few months, I have been waking up as someone else every morning."
She ran a hand through her hair. "Some books say that my...thing is based on emotions, other say its based on the id, the ego and the super ego. And the professors know, but they can't teach me anything. I feel so lost." She looked sadly at the boy in front of her.
"I don't know what to do..."
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Post by remuslupin on May 24, 2012 6:51:43 GMT
Ferret started blushing, and Remus frowned, trying to work out what was going on. Was her secret somehow an embarrassing one? Then his gaze fell upon their joined hands, and he could tell from the heat on his cheeks that he was starting to blush as well. He gave a reassuring smile as Ferret joked about his mastery of secrets (little did she know), but could tell from her scent and her eyes that she was still very much nervous.
His insides churned uncomfortably as he watched her face contort and twist shape until the doppelganger of his good friend was sitting in front of them. He'd read about Metamorphagi before, and he'd suspected this might be the case but reading something in a book was a far cry from seeing it in person. It was, he thought to himself as Ferret's face shifted back to its usual appearance, quite uncanny.
But then Ferret started to speak, and Remus was snapped out of his thoughts by the pain and loneliness he could hear in her voice. She was, Remus realized slowly, an outsider just like him but without the same support network of friends and mentors that had helped to keep him balanced and stable and relatively sane through the stress of keeping his 'furry little secret'.
Remus hated the sight of anyone in distress, and the loneliness and tension that was rolling off Ferret in waves had already been rousing what Sirius liked to call his 'maternal instincts'. The imploring look in her sad eyes and the broken admission of helplessness was the last straw, and before he could think about it he was out of his chair and giving Ferret a comforting hug, holding her close and rubbing her back soothingly.
(OOC: GAHHHHHH! This is such a pile of horse manure that I am ashamed to post it. My sincere apologies for the awful quality, but its the best I can manage right now  ) |
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Post by talls on May 24, 2012 14:56:23 GMT
The last thing she expected was a hug, not that she didn't like it. Because she did. A lot. She just didn't expect it. She sat there a little stunned before slowly raising her arms and hugging him back, burying her face in his shoulder and clutching at his shirt. She had to admit, she needed a hug.
"Sorry," she muttered. She laughed hollowly, pulling back to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. "I'm just not...used to telling people what I am. Only other people here who know are the Professors and Lily." She frowned more. "And Lily doesn't quite understand what I'm going through...or at all, I should say."
Leaning back in her chair, she rubbed her face, feeling exhausted. Her hair lost its luster and looked dull , her skin turning a bit chalky. "Personally, I think Metamorphagi are so rare because they all commit suicide as the stress comes too much."
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Post by remuslupin on May 24, 2012 23:04:33 GMT
From the desperation in Ferret's tight grip on his shirt and the tears that were now soaking the front of it, Remus suspected she'd needed that hug far more than he'd suspected. As she pulled back, he pulled a clean handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to her, suspecting that she would rather not have to use her sleeve if offered the choice. "Don't apologize. It looks like you really needed it, and I'm honoured you trusted me enough to tell me."
As she spoke, Remus found the sentiment felt oddly familiar, resonating with some of the observations of his friends he'd made over the years they'd kept his secret. His friends were wonderful, true - and their support had kept him sane for the last few years since they'd figured out his secret, but none of them seemed to truly get the seriousness of his condition. It was all a bit of an adventure to them, but when you were the one living it every day for the foreseeable future it was a whole load less exciting.
As Ferret leaned back in her chair looking pale and exhausted, Remus felt an odd clench at his heart. It was strange, the level of care and sympathy her predicament was able to rouse in him, but the similarities and parallels in their predicament were so strong that combined with his naturally empathetic nature it should have been no surprise.
"Oh Ferret, no," Remus smiled and hugged her round the shoulders, "Don't think like that. You have the Professors, you know the Headmaster would help you if you asked, you have Lily. And now you have me - and you call anytime you need anything, okay? Doesn't matter if you send me an owl in the middle of Christmas lunch or wake me at half-past midnight. I'm always here if you need me."
"I know what its like - the fear and hiding." He felt sick to the stomach with nerves at what he was about to do, having never told anyone before - the Marauders, after all, had figured it out on their own - but for some reason he trusted Ferret. She'd shared her secret with him, and he wanted to do the same. "But my secret is a little more monstrous."
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Post by talls on May 25, 2012 0:58:49 GMT
Taking the handkerchief, Ferret dabbed at her eyes, the tears finally slowing. "Thanks," she muttered softly. "I will wash and return this, promise."
She felt herself falling into a depression like state when Remus hugged her shoulders. Her cheeks grew red again. Darn it! Why was she blushing!?
Listening to him, she smiled. "Thanks Remus...though you may regret telling me I can contact you at any time. Because I will." But she couldn't help smiling more at him. "But thank you. You have no idea what this means to me."
But as he spoke, her face turned confused. Monsterous? If the situation wasn't so serious, she would make a joke. Instead, she reached for his hand as he had reached for hers.
"You can tell me Remus. I won't think any less of you. But, if you don't feel right telling me, don't feel pressured to do so." She smiled warmly. "I told you because I trust you. But its hard to tell secrets, so I will understand if you can't tell me."
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Post by remuslupin on May 25, 2012 1:19:04 GMT
Remus shrugged. "You can keep it if you want. My mother keeps sending them to me in the mail, and I've amassed quite a collection." He frowned slightly, "I'm not sure why she thinks I'm always losing them and feels the need to replace them though."
As Ferret seemed to cheer up slightly, Remus smiled back at her. "Hey, no thanks required between friends. And seriously, anytime." Remus smiled, feeling somewhat flattered by Ferret's sincerity and appreciation. But really he was just happy she felt better and glad she'd trusted him enough to give him an opportunity to help.
Ferret took hold of his hand and Remus lowered his gaze to the table, trying to hide the faint blush on his cheeks. He let out a long sigh. "No, I want to tell you. It's just hard. You'll be the first person I've ever told. But I do trust you, so-" Remus looked up at Ferret pleadingly. She might be thankful for him now, and have complimented him earlier, but in a few seconds she might think he was a monster. "Please don't hate me?
Remus pulled up his shirt slightly with his free hand to show the massive scar that stretched across his abdomen where Greyback had infected him long ago. It was as raw and inflamed as it had been when he was six years old, for it was an unfortunate proprety of lycanthropic bites that they never fully healed, along with always feeling ice cold due to a concentration of Dark Magic.
He almost said the words, but figured Ferret would be able to work it out herself. As a pureblood, she probably knew well enough the signs of the werewolf when it was in human form.
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Post by talls on May 25, 2012 1:48:48 GMT
Ferret laughed despite herself. "Then I have to return it Remus! I don't want your collection to be incomplete!" She felt better, that was beyond a doubt. She also made a mental note to sneak into Remus's dorm, just to bug him a bit.
But as his face turned towards the table, she frowned. Was it something she had said? She smiled when he said he trusted her but looked at him confused as he looked at her with pleading eyes.
"Remus, why would I ha-" She felt her face turn red as he pulled up his shirt slightly then she turned chalk pale. Her hands covered her mouth as she recognized the scaring from books. She felt her hands shake and she looked at him.
"Oh...oh Remus..." He didn't deserve that. He was too good, to kind for him to be a werewolf. She lowered her hands and looked from him to his scars.
"Oh Remus..." She wouldn't turn away from him but she was curious.
Shakily, she reached for his scars. "May I...?"
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Post by remuslupin on May 25, 2012 1:58:33 GMT
Eyes closed, Remus waited for the outburst of distrust and hatred that he couldn't help but expect, even though he knew that Ferret would understand. When he didn't hear anything he looked up and saw her face turn white as she realized what he was. The pity and acceptance in her voice as she said his name nearly brought Remus to tears with relief as he realized she didn't hate him, she wasn't horrified of him or afraid.
He instinctively flinched back as she reached for the scar, not used to it being touched by anyone but healers and curse-breakers with cold and impersonal hands. But then he registered the question and realized that Ferret had respected him enough to ask and he knew he couldn't refuse. Still finding it hard to shape words, he nodded and gave her a strained but reassuring smile.
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Post by talls on May 25, 2012 2:12:44 GMT
As Remus flinched, she pulled her hands away. She felt herself brought to tears just by looking at them. Remus was too good for this to happen to him. Then she saw him nod and slowly, let her fingers touch the scars.
They were cold, where the rest of his skin was warm. She felt herself brought to tears. But she did not hide them as they rolled down her cheeks. He was too good a person to have this happen to him. Straightening, she looked at him and, shakily, drew him into a hug.
This was why he understood. This was why he understood her pain. But no one as good as him deserved to have what happened to him.
"Remus...I'm so sorry...thank you for trusting me..."
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Post by remuslupin on May 25, 2012 3:20:30 GMT
Remus shivered slightly as Ferret touched him. Her hands were warm against the ever-chilled lines of his scar, and his sides were somewhat ticklish anyway. As her hands pulled away and she started to blink with tears Remus reached out with the handkerchief to wipe them away. "Hey now. It isn't that bad. At least I get to come to school - that's more than most of us ever get. And I have friends who accept me - all in all I'd say I'm living a pretty good life for a teenage werewolf."
Remus went limp with relief as Ferret pulled him into a hug and relaxed into the embrace. When their tutoring session had become therapy he didn't know, but he didn't care - he felt better about his affliction than he had in a while and he knew Ferret probably did too. Returning the embrace, he huffed out a few choked giggles along with a couple of tears as he buried his face in her shoulder.
"Not quite what you were expecting when you asked for a tutoring session, eh?" Remus gave a muffled laugh. "I don't know about you but I actually feel pretty good after that."
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Post by talls on May 25, 2012 3:33:20 GMT
The fifth year smiled and giggled at Remus's words. "No, not at all. I expected you to tell me James and Sirius were incubi or part Veela or something." She smiled more. She did feel a ton better now, like a weight had been lifted off her chest.
"I feel fantastic now," she said honestly, smiling. "Just out of curiosity...how did your mates find out about...well the furry bit?" She smiled sheepishly. She didn't know how to address it. Her grandmother called her secret a "colorful change", which was annoying. But that was besides the point.
Ferret, then seeming to realize that she was hugging him still, let go, blushing. Smiling and rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment, she pulled up a chair, sitting next to him, instead of in front of him.
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Post by remuslupin on May 25, 2012 3:44:10 GMT
"I've seen enough of their family trees to be certain that isn't the case, but it would explain a great deal. I have never ever understood what women see in them, given the way they behave and talk about the fairer sex." Remus smiled broadly at Ferret, glad to see that she was looking happier and her colour had returned to normal.
"Well, I think it basically came down to the regularity of my Hospital Wing visits. James was studying lunar cycles in Astronomy at the time and then Sirius spotted my scar when I was changing one morning and they put it together from there." Remus grinned at her sheepish smile. "We usually call it my furry little secret." He revealed, "In case you were wondering. Our other roommate seems convinced that I'm the owner of a particularly vicious hamster, as a result."
As Ferret flushed bright red and let go of him, Remus pouted exaggeratedly. "Hey! I was enjoying that. You try having 'manly' men for your best friends and see how often you get to cuddle." Remus winked at Ferret (though he hadn't been entirely joking), noticing her embarrassment and giving her hair a friendly ruffle. "No need to be embarrassed - hug me as often and for as long as you want."
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Post by talls on May 25, 2012 3:58:37 GMT
"Maybe they are secretly aliens bent on taking over the human population!" She gasped and her eyes widened at the idea. That would make sense too right?
At his explanation, she couldn't help but snort back laughter. "A viscous hamster? Wow. I miss Jasper now," she said, almost sighing out the name of her beloved pet that she was not allowed to bring to Hogwarts. The sneaky bastard had a habit of taking things and eating things.
As she moved away, she blushed at his words and found herself trying not to laugh. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't get many cuddles either. People tend to move away from me if I don't pounce them...like this!" With a huge smiled and flung herself at Remus, hugging him tightly. "Then I don't let go until someone prys me off."
Oh and she was going to take the boy up on those words. She liked cuddles and cuddling Lupin didn't sound wrong at all.
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Post by remuslupin on May 25, 2012 4:19:46 GMT
"I wouldn't be at all surprised if Sirius were an alien. He has enough strange habits." Remus joked, enjoying the friendly banter as a change from the rather emotionally heavy atmosphere of the last few minutes. It was puzzling how quickly he and Ferret had opened up to each other, and their friendly banter now felt just the same as if Remus were hanging out with one of his other best friends.
As Ferret latched onto him and declared her intention to hang on until forced to leave, Remus just returned the hug and gave her a bright smile. He really did like to cuddle; something about that kind of closeness to another person answered a deep need in him. After the bite, his childhood had become fairly short on physical contact. Oh, his parents still loved him, but from a combination of a natural fear of lycanthropy and seeing him as fragile due to his post-transformation injuries they hadn't been especially physically affectionate.
Snuggling into Ferret's embrace, Remus let out a happy sigh. "You don't let go until they make you? I'm enjoying this so much they're going to need a crowbar to separate us."
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